Sometimes I Am Full of Shit and Don’t Know It

Coming upon the second week post-op, things are finally stabilizing. The first week is one of intensiveness all the way around. My frustration is still there but I have begun to accept the way certain things are for NOW. It is a feeling of an internal storm, and once you get your bearings, you learn to be more present in the work that needs to be done.

Day 9
After my previous day’s breakdown I woke up with the sole purpose to get my shit together.

Finagled myself into the bathtub and shave a leg- yes ONE leg and it was awesome! Had my roommate strip my bed (gross, a week in the same sheets from surgery) and later another friend came and made my bed. It takes a village even for the bed.

This, my friends, IS a big deal

My Physical Therapist called me after receiving an email (it was actually a manifesto) of the previous days frustrations. I cannot imagine having anyone else guide me through the multiple injuries I have had. I don’t know if he is from this planet.

He settled my fears of swelling and told me what we will be working on when I get in to see him next week. He lightened my load A LOT!

Day 10/11/12

Less crazy Mary evident as things calm, which is really about me accepting where I am at and moving forward with intent (slowly is what I have to keep reminding myself). I had my first outing for fun with a few derby teammates and it was awesome but tiring.

Derby fun with margaritas and tacos!

The bruising makes cool shapes on my leg and I snapped a few selfie thigh pictures which is weird to even write. Totally surprising as I couldn’t move my leg and just never knew what lay on the other side.

Sometimes you shouldn’t look behind the curtains

Bad bad night of sleep equals a wasted Sunday of no energy. The continued sleeping on my back and inability to shift positions means even with a good night, I am waking up every hour or so.

You win some; you lose some.

Day 13- Doctor Doctor Gimme the News

I was giddy with excitement to see the doc. His nurse took off the bandages and then put new steri-strips on. She said when they fall off, let ‘em go. I guess they help with minimize scarring. Then off to get a few x-rays done and patiently wait for the doc.

The legs is cleaning up a bit

He checked my leg out and said it looked great. The x-rays showed the bone plug and screw were right where they needed to me and he explained that during the healing when graft is taking, to not activate the hamstring because that will pull on the graft. That is why PT is about getting movement back and activating the quadricep.

We had a great conversation about my less than happy experience the week before and not being able to get a hold of anyone for six hours. He was upset that happened and communicated he hires his own staff just to be sure there is a good patient experience. I guess it was the perfect storm. We also discussed the inconsistent messages for post-op instructions and I gave him the example about conflicting messages on how to actually take a shower. He made a note to update their patient instructions. Such a down-to-earth cool doctor.

He wanted to see me in a month and gave me go ahead to start Physical Therapy. I asked him if he would unlocked my brace at all (trying to find a way to drive sooner). He said nope, that will happen with PT. Oh well, all in all a great visit.

On the way home, safely stuffed in my friends back seat I quickly call in to make a PT appointment. Yeah me, I can get in the next day!

I live in the back seats now

Day 14 + – Finally I have control over my rehab!

PT! PT! PT! It was awesome to see Brian and catch up and FINALLY start the work needed to get myself and myshit back together. These exercises, for a normal-bodied person, would be a joke, but for me they are tough. It is all about learning to fire the quadricep again and slowly work on bending my knee. The knee simply didn’t work. I was amazed how the knee cannot bend on its own. I managed to scoot my knee to a 30 degree bend and that was painful(used a rope to even get it to move). Brian was not even close to releasing my brace at all.

He was also shocked I was so happy at rehab (man on man, am I a total intense bitch when I have seen him before? Yikes). I told him I was happy to now own my progress.

I went home and did the exercises again later that night and did much worse. I wrote a quick email to Brian to see if that was normal. Yes, all normal. Take a few steps forward, then back. The knee will swell and make the exercises more difficult so you ice and try again. That night was one of the worst sleep nights; probably an accumulation of rehab and life. The next morning I could barely do any of the exercises.

With extreme work my knee can now do this with assistance

Went to work exhausted and overly frustrated and some quiet tears were shed. This is HARD. That night I did the exercises again and did okay. Alright, alright, I get it. This is going to be a few steps forward and hopefully a few less back.

Tired leg after PT

Mentally this is so taxing and frustrating. I just re-read the beginning of this post about how things are stabilizing. Well, I guess I am full of shit because the last few days have shown that is not the case. Instead of attempting to reject the feelings that I might have, I am going to treat it like a wave and just let it wash over me and get it over with then pick myself up and do it again until another wave hits.

It’s time to dig in.